Sorry I've been so quiet. Waking up so early is sucking my will to live......ok my will to blog anyway. It really does damage to my brain when I have to wake up before the sun. And to top it off, this week it's been all gloomy. I need this rain to go away so I can get out and walk again. Sun rising. Fresh dewy morning air filling my lungs. Tripping over my dog weaving around my legs.
I'm really not looking forward to the next few months. Last year my SAD was atrocious. Seems it gets worse with every year. Good God, in 5 years you might as well pack me away with the pool toys.
I talked to my doctor about it 2 years ago and he put me on Lexapro...or Bottled Zombie. I walked around as the undead for about 6 weeks. True, I wasn't sad anymore. Just terribly apathetic. Going through the motions.
"Mom! The house is burning down!!!!!"
"I don't care."
So my doctor put me on Wellbutrin instead. I no longer felt like I belonged in a Scooby Doo cartoon. No, I felt shaky. Tremors. Not in the I've-had-too-much-coffee way, but rather like the I'm-to-young-for-Parkinsons way. It was maddening.
Anything fine motor related was an impossible task. If you've been a reader of my blog you know cake decorating is a hobby of mine. Not on Wellbutrin. Worst.Cakes.Ever. Or threading a needle? HA! I couldn't even pick my nose with accuracy.
It's funny because I'm not even really an outdoor person. I'm not one with nature. So I would have thought I would be the last person to have this problem. I can see maybe someone who loves to garden, or a rock climber, or a Baywatch babe...but me, who sits inside most days and wastes away in front of a computer screen and occasionally cleans house?
I can feel it creeping up by mid-September, but it doesn't rear it's ugly head until shortly after Halloween. Just in time for the holidays. Yeah...Merry Fucking Christmas to you too.
I guess I will just have to continue to ride it out. But I dread that it is just around the corner. I'm pretty much worthless from Labor Day until Easter. I'm the white dress shoes of the psychological world.
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