7/27/06

A Fork Stuck In The Road

So....I need to be serious for a minute and blog something out. Just to get it out there, then maybe the Universe can hear me and answer back in someway. Hopefully the Universe will check its blog feeds today, right?

I have 2 boys. They are my life, as all children are to their parents. I could not imagine my life without them. I have this nagging issue though.....nagging me worse than my mom trying to wake me up for school back in the day.

Many of the people who read my blog know me personally and know how badly I want a little girl. BAD. Real BAD. Other than my mom, I've been surrounded by testosterone my entire life. I have brothers, no sisters. My dad, of course. I married a man, again, obviously. I have 2 boys. Hell even my dog is male....neutered, but still a boy.

I was the only girl in our neighborhood until I was 8, at which point another girl moved in and we became best friends. We had to, there was no other choice. Except for one (who at the time was older and therefore too cool to hang out with me) all of my local cousins were boys until about 10 years ago. I only had nephews until about 2 years ago....I have a niece. One.

So you see.....I crave a daughter.

After toying around heavily with the idea of international adoption for a few years, I decided I couldn't justify clearing out our 401K and my boys college fund for a little Chinese girl. So, we have been trying to have that daughter the old fashioned (and sometimes not so old fashioned *wink wink*)way since January. No pregnancy as of yet -- that's another story.

I have been homeschooling for the past year after being seriously disenchanted with the public school system here in my town. I figured, if I had the boys running around half-captive at home with me all the time, what's one more to the mix? Let's try one more time for that girl, and if it's a boy, we gave it an honest shot and I will love him just as much and will only dress him in drag and force him to play Barbies with me sometimes.

But for a long list of reasons I won't go into here, we have decided to put the boys in private school. Micah is going into the 3rd grade. Cameron will be going into preschool Tuesdays and Thursdays for 3.5 hours.

So? What does this have to do with having a baby.

What will I have going on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8 - 11:30 am? WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't tasted freedom like that in 8 years!

I can run errands and grocery shop without either having the kids with me begging for toys and candy, OR without leaving them with Ian one day each weekend, cutting into what could potentially be quality time for the whole family.

I can go out to breakfast with my friends. I can make friends to go out to breakfast with (first things first right?)!

I can go to the library and just browse without having to turn around and "shush" a little person every 30 seconds.

I can make doctors appointments and hair appointments without having to figure out who can watch the kids.

I can take piano lessons.

I can go on coffee dates with Ian.

I can nap.

OR.........

I can have a little tiny warm bundle in my arms. I can smell the Baby Magic on his or her little head and sigh contently. I can have days filled with toothless grins and giggles. I can teach another tiny one how to stack blocks and how much more fun it is to knock them down. I can play peek a boo. I can have another person in my life with whom I can share unconditional love.

Do I flip a coin?

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